I’m Waiting For A Meeting With God
“I’m waiting for a meeting with God”, I tell him.
There’s a short silence, then he says, “I think you should put down your paintbrush, take some paper and write about it”.
We both smile and I feel a wave of relief. I couldn’t wait any more, and I knew that stopping would also mean a break for tea!
I had been re-working a particular piece for two days. I’d felt a cool ambivalence with this painting from the day I thought it might be finished, almost 18 months ago. I just hoped we’d work it out and become friends, but I knew in my heart that I’d not worked it through to a comfortable ending. The plain truth was that we weren’t at ease with each other, so something had to happen, a re-working would have to occur at some point and that moment had come.
And now I was all-in, up to my armpits in pink and orange paint and gently sweating from the creative tension of holding focus. I had no idea where I was going, but we’d definitely left Kansas and were heading… who knows where. I knew the journey would take hours, days or maybe weeks (I never ask, it seems rude to). All I knew was that I wanted this born-again painting to have angel’s wings and be bursting with vibrant energy and more than a hint of emotional fireworks.
And this would need my heart and soul to be totally on board, committed to the hilt, and ready to stay the course. Right now, the painting is like a podgy caterpillar with a few interesting markings, but in time I’ll be cheering it on to become the butterfly it has the potential to be.
The path is simple… I keep working until the piece finally arrives and we both agree that something has happened, that we can’t quite explain. Like a meeting with God that you have no words for, just a deep knowing, completeness and peace. I just have to press on through the centre of my heart and out the other side, as gently and courageously as I can.
Making abstract art has a personal, specific urgency, that keeps me fuelled and creating, and exploring playfully, day by day.
Love
Jane x